S h a t t e r e d
by Purple Snuggie
Summary: A very very sad fanfiction of Chris's POV after Jill fell out of the window of the Spencer estate. Takes place about half a year or so after. I cried when I wrote it...but I felt it needed to be done. Chris and Jill are not my property, They are Capcom.


I felt very very sad when writing this fanfiction considering I'm a very advent shipper of Chris x Jill, but I felt that I needed to write.

It's in Chris' POVof his feelings after Jill fell out of the window with Wesker at the Spencer estate.

I really don't like Avril but it seems like a good song to use for this instance.

To all other Chris x Jill lovers, I'm sorry!!! D:

Also Chris and Jill do not belong to me, neither does the song.

Song : When you're gone - Avril Laveigne [ not sure how to spell that. D; ]

* * *

_I always needed time on my own_

_I never thought I'd need you there when I cry_

_And the days feel like years when I'm alone_

_And the bed where you lie is made up on your side_

I placed a few more roses next to the stone to replace the ones that even showed a tiny bit of withering.

She didn't deserve it.

I still can't believe it was true.

The sun began setting. I felt the heat on my back as I stood up from the kneeling position I always took when I visited her.

My eyes wandered the graveyard...wondering how many people could feel the way I felt for the past half year.

My eyes burned with the touch of tears again. Only big men cry..I kept telling myself.

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much I need you right now_

My mind still would not comprehend what had happened that stormy night in the Spencer estate.

Before we entered the door to the final room in the mansion..she looked me in the eyes and told me everything would be alright...that we would make it through this..and everyone would be safe.

Things could return to normal..but no....I knew something was going to be wrong and I wanted so bad..deep in my mind to grab her and escape while we could..I couldn't stand the thought of losing her..and now I'm here.

Next to her tombstone again.

Wondering what went wrong...

I know we went to save the peace..but why did she needed to be taken?

The fall was to vast. She couldn't have made it..and even if she did, I wouldn't have been able to save her in time.

I loathed myself for that.

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok_

_I miss you_

The tears began to sting more. Slightly dripping down my face. I tried to wipe them away with the sleeve of my jacket..but they just kept falling.

The sun was almost hidden now, the moon coming out in clear view.

I stared up to the moon. I always enjoyed looking at the moon with her..it was comforting.

She was comforting.

I closed my eyes. These tears just wouldn't stop.

Everything I had been doing had reminded me of her.

I would walk by a window on the street and see her face...hear her voice going `` Hi Chris! `` ...

It killed me.

I hear her voice everyday. The sweet melody of her elegance.

The way her thin lips would curl into a smile when I would joke around with her...playfully tease her.

_I've never felt this way before_

_Everything that I do reminds me of you_

_And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor_

_And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do_

I fell to my knees. A grown man..shattered.

I clutched the dirt...and began to scream at the top of my lungs into the empty cemetary..the darkness..

`` PLEASE.....WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS!? PLEASE.....IT CAN'T BE TRUE...SHE HAS TO BE ALIVE.....I CAN'T LIVE...I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HER....``

I begged nothing..hoping some shred of faith that I had in the heavens would guide me. Would bing her back.

A few birds flew over head.

I began to pound the ground harder, my forehead touching the stone.

There was no body underneath it.

Nothing.

No closure..

Part of me wanted to believe she was still alive...

_When you walk away I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much I need you right now_

I couldn't take it.

When I saw her family greiving..I wanted to believe that I could be strong..but that night after the funeral..I found myself here crying...talking to her..

`` Jill. ``

`` Jill..if you're there give me a sign...please..```

Nothing happened.

I still...I couldn't...

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok_

_I miss you_

I slightly crawled forward and rested my sweaty, hot head against the cold stone.

`` Jill..there is still so much left unsaid...so I'll say it now...since I never had the courage to say it before...``

The thoughts of the countless times I thought what I was about to say came running through my mind.

The times I tried to confront her but ended up shrugging it off or lying about my true intentions of starting the conversations.

Secretly...admiring....everything she did.

Everything she was.

The woman I knew..the woman I'm in love with.

The kind person she was..and will still live through our memories...my memories.

My partner.

The only girl for me...

`` Jilly...I love you...I love you so much...I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner..I'm just a goof...I fucked it up..and I regret everything now...``

I clung to the stone as if I was falling off a cliff...I even thought I might break it for a second.

All of the tears..the sadness...everything spilled out at that second.

_We were made for each other_

_Out here forever_

_I know we were, yeah_

_All I ever wanted was for you to know_

_Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul_

_I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah_

I clutched tighter..repeating `` I love you.``` Over and over as if someone would hear it...as if she would just walk up behind me and tell me everything was going to be alright.

I trusted her.

I wanted her.

I should have just said no..but I couldn't...we were so close to what we had been working for for the longest time..as soon as that door opened and Wesker was there....I knew...I knew it had all gone wrong.

`` Come back to me...please `` I was losing strength.

My face was swollen and red with more fresh tears, my chin was wet.

The stone was wet.

I was a wreck.

I had been holding it all in...trying to be brave. Trying to find the ounce of strength I had left and it all dropped.

I had been reassigned to a new partner.

They just threw jill out of the picture like trash. I so badly wanted to just knock the boss out..but I knew.

That this is what Jill would have wanted for me.

She would want me to move on..but always keep her in my heart.

`` Jilly...I know you're watching me from heaven, in a better place......I know you miss me too......and you're the prettiest angel up there I bet...``

I began to shift and stand...I wobbled my legs were weak.

I leaned down, kissed the stone one last time...as I tried to pull myself together.

I couldn't do it alone..but as I walked towards my car, glancing back at her stone..I swear I saw her sitting there on it...giving me that amazing smile...

And with her courage I knew I could make it.

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok_

_I miss you_

I got back into my car, glancing back at the rows of gavestones...and before I turned the key into the ignition..I smiled.

`` Rest in peace Jill...always and forever. ``

I started and sped off down the road..knowing she was watching me...with me all the time..encouraging me..and giving me all of the strength that I didn't have.

I felt like I had been born aknew.

I had faith..faith that she wasn't dead...and I WOULD find her.

I swore.

I promised myself.

The end.


End file.
